Harmless office chitchat - or poisonous gossip?

For the person that said “life is boring without gossip” and that “gossip is good” — I think that is very sad. People that are happy in life don’t need to make others feel bad to make themselves look and feel better. It’s those that are bitter, insecure, and envious of others that take on this form of behavior and are as you say “bored” with their own lives. I actually feel sorry for you that you could potentially be spending your last day on this earth bad mouthing someone else that is out there achieving their dreams and goals; while you sit back on the side lines and gossip. You need to wake up and start living your life and worrying less about other people’s lives.

I think any type of office gossip is negative since you never know whether what being said is true or completely false. In most cases, it is false and typically very damaging to the person being spoken about or the company in general. I’m amazed in the year 2008 that companies don’t have a policy against this form of behavior. I personally work hard every day I am at my job and don’t participate in the gossip mill. I’ve found, though, that those that participate are more liked by co-workers and management too. And the sadest part, these gossipers barely work at all during the day. The worst part, the company would rather loose a hard worker like me, than the gossiper.

Not to mention, I don’t think the gossiper that is well-liked should have this kind of power to potentially ruin someone elses reputation and career at a company with false accusations. Management needs to wake up and do something. I mean, are we in a professional environment or a sorrority house? I honestly think it is more the latter.

I guess spreading gossip is a joy to you Yadgyu, until your career is the one that gets ruined by it. Remember, what goes around comes around.

Gossip has ruined every job I’ve ever had. I’m competent, do the work of two people because it’s what my parents beat into both me and my brother to do. That of course annoys, frightens or angers the dead wood that sees that management notices this and expects them to actually work for a change. Now I’m dealing with an incompetent supervisor who is sleeping with an incompetent co-worker of mine (his subordinate) and they have conspired to keep me from getting an internal position/promotion I was told one week I had, then someone else was suddenly hired for. Now what do I do? SUE??? Or transfer to another branch within the company?

I almost cried reading these comments that reflect many of the same horrible experiences I’ve had at previous jobs. Malicious gossip does ruin lives and the worst part about it is that what is heard by others is always at least 99% false. It is in fact “mobbing” which is the same as psychological warfare in the workplace.

What people may not realize is that it affects us all as customers of businesses as well. Imagine the front office staff at your doctor’s office gossiping about your private information or you as a person. Imagine how that can impact your healthcare and how you are treated. I don’t have to imagine it, I actually saw and heard it happen to me and it was so outrageously unethical, capricious, mean and unprofessional that I had to take my healthcare elsewhere. I could no longer trust that clinic to handle my needs professionally. When a new provider had to call that office to verify routine information, the former office staff slandered me again and would not cooperate with the request for info.

Everyone needs to realize that our jobs and workplaces are not our personal domain for power and control. We do not have the right to harm or infringe on the rights of others. I say, hooray for Sam Chapman of Empower Public Relations in Chicago for having the integrity to stand up for protecting human dignity in his workplace with his “NO GOSSIP” policy. Wish there were more leaders like him!

A few years ago, a subordinate colleague started spreading degrading lies about me. I spoke with my boss and was told me to “handle it.” So, I did.

The next time the employee came to my office, I told him that I was aware that he had been gossiping about me. Instead of drawing him into a discussion about what he had been saying, I told him that I expected him to immediately stop the gossip. I then reasuured him that I would never gossip about him because I felt it was my responsibility to make everyone think he was a superior employee and that I expected to be treated the same way. The gossip stopped.

This malicious behavior cost me my job, my house, and may yet cost me my life. Because I worked in HR and HR is such a small incestuous community, I have been unable to find employment for the past year and a half.

Gossip is an easy trap to fall in, and it’s very tiresome and unproductive!! I too, believe that it has to come from the top in order to get gossip under control. Weak leadership, who may set bad examples is also a problem. I have been involved in PTO volunteering at public schools, and I think it’s even a bigger problem there. I have seen gossiping parents ruin reputations of outstanding teachers for a multitude of reasons. When I was placed in a leadership position (President of a Parent Teacher Organization), that is something I did not tolorate from board members. It was stated clearly from day one, and followed through. Even as a PTO board, you must conduct yourself in a manner that will be condusive to success of your school. Otherwise all of your efforts are useless!

What a refreshing idea. In my office, there always seems to be an odd person out, someone that is unfairly singled out. Everyone has a turn at being the scapegoat, exept for the poisonous person who is always the instigator. It is frustrating.

The chinese have a saying. You can eat indiscriminately but you should not speak indiscriminately. I sent a staff off two days ago for taking potshots at a fellow colleague that had resulted in the team alienating the latter. I took a stand against the speaking of evil.

A certain amount of workplace chit-chat is inevitable. If negative and vicious gossip takes hold, though, you can soon start to observe the nasty phenomenon known as “mobbing.” See for example:
http://arts.uwaterloo.ca/~kwesthue/mobbing.htm
&
Davenport, et al.: Mobbing, Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace, 3rd Edition 2005, Civil Society Publishing. Ames, IA

The advice to lead by example is right on. In my last job, there was a vicious rumor mill, people always tearing down their coworkers, and I just politely refused to listen to it. If you don’t listen, or respond, or repeat what is said, it is possible to embarrass the gossipers. They suddenly hear what they sound like to someone who is not participating, and if they have any decency left at all (most people do), it’s a bit of a shock to them and they will tone it down. I do think, though, that gossip is a sign of bigger problems in the workplace, and it might be smart to start looking for another job before those problems become overwhelming.

I worked in an environment where I became the subject of complete degradation and slander not just from employees but managers as well. When I went to my HR department with names and specifics they just gave some people a tap on the hand and that was it, nothing was solved and I was alienated until I finally left. I did make several complaints to corporate headquaters though, and eventually all of the people who gave me hell are no longer there because of their scandalous actions toward people. What goes around comes around, get out and move on so you can have the last laugh.

I foolishly “assumed” that the company I joined about a year ago promoted collaborative, integrated teamwork. Ha! It’s full of silly, Gen Y tongue waggers. Talk about discrimination. These punks openly and freely discriminate against ANYONE they feel like. I’ve had enough. Will stay for awhile longer and leave when it benefits me. I wish them a slow road to success and many bumps along the way.

The Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (Federal Agency) is infected with this type of back biting at every level of the agency and in all divisions nationwide. And, it has ruined careers including my own.

Office gossip is vicious. A particularly upsetting version is someone who responds to your question/comment with nasty laughter (and laughs and whispers about you in their cubicle), implying that you’re basically stupid. This laughter-monger (who obviously has personal problems)demoralizes co-workers, and shatters team work. Don’t know how this type gets away with it.

Years ago, my career - at the time on a ‘fast track’ - was nearly ended by a backstabbing former friend who got her hands on a confidential memo I had written to her boss (my career mentor at the time) to address some then-upcoming key development actions. She did not care what he had asked me to prompt the memo or why it was written the way it was - extremely “I” and “me” oriented - but she started by highlighting all of the “selfish” pronouns, then added (typewritten, of course) very damaging color commentary, and posted copies of it on every employee bulletin board in the [large] workplace. I was devasted, and my mentor compounded the problem by (i) cutting himself off from me, (ii) calling for an investigation as to who had done such an unacceptable thing (stealing his mail, that is - not damaging my reputation unfairly), promising to fire the rat - which he did not do when it was revealed who was responsible. I left that job in anger and disgrace - even though I truly had only responded to a specific and direct set of questions, and it was years before enough time and distance had passed that it no longer haunted me. The morale is that you must take great care to protect the most important thing you bring to any job - your reputation - and treat others with the same respect you expect from them. If, as a co-worker, you see someone else trying to do harm, don’t participate; if, as a supervisor, you see it happening, take clear appropriate action before it’s too late.

i personally encountered the entire spectrum of a hostile work environment regarding gossip. from Management and HR neglect and unwillingness to enforce company policies to physical threats for being a whistleblower and malicious lies i intended to cause a workplace rampage to HR telling me to “JUST SHUT UP”. what really can one do besides posting comments on Jobvent.com and notifing law enforcement of illegal and improper conduct? i resigned under duress and now carry the whistleblower stigma and a tarnished work record. this Fortune 500 company considers themselves above the law.

I was just recently blackmailed, ostracized and gossiped about in the workplace. The impact has been devastating and 3 employees were terminated. My life at work will never be the same. My dirty laundry was dished out for everyone to read and talk about. The person who institigated was a friend for almost 12 years and got me the interview. I am shocked, disappointed and will no longer trust anyone again. It is best to keep friendships out of the office, keep a low profile, keep all opinions to yourself, keep your private life private and never write anything incriminating on company email or talk about anything personal on company phone lines.

I had a promotion yanked from me because of office gossip - lies were spread and senior management did not have the courage to stand up to the gossip - they were afraid it would damage their credibility instead of doing the right thing. Instead they lost a great employee, me.

Office gossip is a good thing.

It is never bad to talk about others at work. Even the most negative and critical response makes life fun for someone else. If you become the whooping boy/girl at work, just take it. Someone has to be the target of ridicule. If you are the person being gossiped about, accept it and do not try to change things by being truthful. There is no need to get mad or be hostile or defensive. The role of being the punching bag is noble.

I pride myself on talking about as many people as I can at work. I purposely make up stories and rumors just to see how fast they spread. Sometimes people get their feelings hurt or some people are upset. It is no big deal to me because people’s reactions are highly entertaining to me. People’s fears and sensibilities make me feel as if I have control over them. Those that do not like what I do can easily find another job.

Coming to work and working hard is not exciting. Being snarky, malicious, and untruthful are valuable abilities that people need to learn how to master. These are the abilities that upper management is always looking for. If you are not afraid to cause trouble and demean others, you will make a good manager. If you try to be everyone’s friend and try to stop the gossip, your career may be at stake. I see no reason why being nice should cost me a high six-figure salary, a corner office, and other perks and benefits.

I will continue to cause trouble and chaos because life is boring without it.