Comments on: Want a higher paycheck? Say you’re sorry

By: S. Campbell, Scotland

S. Campbell, Scotland — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 09:40:56 +0000

Whether or not apologising leads to better pay, it ceratinly leads to being a better person.

In 15 years management experience of managing and being managed, the ability to apologise when you are wrong is a key factor in strong leadership.

Working for a manager who managed to make the same mistake three times in quick succession, whilst blaming the ensuing problems on myself and others was enough to make me leave after 8 years with the company.

Being able to take responsibility for your actions inspires confidence in those around you, reinforcing the traits necessary for success.

Being successful should then have some bearing on the paycheck you receive?

By: L. Price NY, NY

L. Price NY, NY — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 14:10:08 +0000

I’m sorry, but I just can’t buy this. In addition to age, I would be curious to see the breakdown of professions as well.

I work in the legal field. In the city where I work, starting salaries for associates fresh out of law school are 170K. New associates are typically in their late 20s or early 30s.

Generally speaking I have not found attorneys to be apologetic in nature, and it does not get any better over time where they really begin to earn the big bucks!

Annie here — Good point! You really can’t judge anything by New York City salaries, either (whether for lawyers or not!). The cost of living in NYC is 64% higher than the national average (!) — so pay tends to be somewhat higher too, but alas, perhaps not always by 64%. I always feel these kinds of survey data — that is, any survey analysis that compares pay ranges — ought to include a cost-of-living adjustment as well. If you make $100,000 in Iowa, you’re rich. If you make $100,000 in NYC, you’re barely middle class.

By: Yadgyu, Harkeyville, TX

Yadgyu, Harkeyville, TX — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 03:29:55 +0000

Apologizing to get more money makes sense. Being nice can actually help you sometimes.

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By: Gary Schineller, New Port Richey - Fl.

Gary Schineller, New Port Richey - Fl. — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 12:33:18 +0000

In my book, “How to: have a Nice Day” I tell a story of a consulting contract I had with an up and coming television network. The VP of Mktg. with whom I had signed my contract, was the brother of the Founder/CEO.
When my contract arrived, it was not to the terms we had agreed upon. Of course, these changes were to the companies benefit. When the VP of Mktg. challenged me with “is this a deal breaker” language, I decided to accept the contract in its current form. However, my antennae was now raised for what our future might contain.
Next, I fulfilled the contract and requested payment. You guessed it; the VP challenged my request and declared my contract un-fulfilled.
I then sent a letter to the CEO informing him of his brothers love…. Naturally, as I still believe, he had a brilliant business concept. I postured that his brother recognized this as well, and wanted to contribute in any way he could. Having the results of my work and not paying for it, would be one way of achieving that. This was his brothers way of loving him.
I received payment by return mail. I was not sorry, just aware. In this way I could save face for all concerned and enjoy a happy ending.

By: R J , San Antonio, TX

R J , San Antonio, TX — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 21:14:30 +0000

It seems that the article this question is based on is about being a risk taker (better to ask for forgiveness, than to beg for permission). When I have done something wrong, I was brought to always say I was sorry and of course never do it again. But at work, I have found apologizing and it’s benefits depend upon the boss. If they are power hungry and somewhat paranoid of their subordinates getting ahead of them and in this day and age, even replacing them, the apology goes nowhere and your infraction goes in your personnel binder.

If the boss has some moral worth, the apology goes a long way. Because they want everyone who works for them to succeed, because that makes them look like a succcess.

By: Jim Holt, Alpharetta, Ga.

Jim Holt, Alpharetta, Ga. — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 20:24:29 +0000

I tend to be a person with a strong opinion. I come from a long line of strong opinions. Quite some time ago a friend/manager sat me down and said that I would have to choose between being right and being successful. That has stuck with me over the years and served me well. I now hold a position paying well into six figures and am well liked by a lot more people then when I used my previous approach. Oh yea, life seems to be less stressful now too.

By: J. McGrath, North Hollywood, CA

J. McGrath, North Hollywood, CA — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 20:01:25 +0000

One night was clsoing the retail store I managaed and all the workers were done for the night. The company’s policy required that at least one worker stay behind with me until I was finished (which would be about ten more minutes) I asked for a volunteer out of the 4 employees standing there and none did. I picked one girl, Julie, to stay, she huffed and pouted, I let the others go and was done in mere minutes. When the Julie and I left the store together, the others who left were waiting outside for her (in other words, they all could have waited because they were all hanging out together afterward). I was angry and left.

The next day when I arrived at work, I saw that Julie was on the schedule. I didn’t feel like seeing her or working with her, but I was just going to have to grin and bare it. Then Julie arrived and walked straight up to me. Without missing a beat, she said, “I am so sorry for the way I acted last night. You didn’t desrve that at all.”

I was floored. I absolutely wasn’t expecting it. It was very sincere. It made the rest of the day and the rest of the time we worked together perfectly pleasant.

And I have to say, her apology earned so much respect from me because I did realize how rare it was for people to offer a sincere “I’m sorry”

I don’t know how much money she earns these days, but it was certainly a mark of good character, and if I were called for a job recommendation for her, I would absolutely give her a good review.

By: Mounir S, Orlando, FL

Mounir S, Orlando, FL — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 19:51:05 +0000

Funny how age is not mentioned. Does this teach us anything other than what we already know about the apathetic attitude of young people? People who have the wisdom to apologize – and the checkbook to buy pearls – are older. I can’t wait to get old.

By: Paul Plumb, Elizabeth, CO

Paul Plumb, Elizabeth, CO — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 19:35:30 +0000

Good people always apologize when they have offended someone. If you are not at fault, say something like: “I am sorry that I offended you” with no further explanation. If you were even just a bit wrong then say so. This approach has served me well with youth and adults going on 75 years.

By: Skeptical, Sacramento CA

Skeptical, Sacramento CA — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 19:28:12 +0000

I’d like to know if the pollsters controlled for age in their survey.

A disproportionate amount of low incomel earners will be young people at the beginning of their careers. Young people may not have developed the maturity to with conflict and personal responsibility.

By: Arnold, Wappingers Falls, NY

Arnold, Wappingers Falls, NY — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 19:15:24 +0000

I’m sorry, but I have to disagree.
I don’t make $100,00/yr. (and I’m sorry about that, too) but I find it easy to say “I’m sorry.” In fact, I’m sorry that this whole sorry discussion started. That’s all I have to say and I apologize if I seem redundant.

By: Katherine Jones, Fremont OH

Katherine Jones, Fremont OH — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 18:08:55 +0000

I found this article interesting, but from my experience, it has been better to ask permission first than to apologize later, simply because with permission, you have more freedom to do what you gotta do, and work within guidelines which will produce the expected results. Apologizing later seems to me to show a level of selfishness on the part of the asker, and requires forgiveness in order for the apology to be successful.
It takes a bigger person to forgive than it does to apologize, so I’d imagine that the forgivers are probably more successful than the asker.

By: Fran, Concord, CA

Fran, Concord, CA — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 17:10:03 +0000

I found myself in the position of being personally attacked by my boss. He implied that I was both a liar and a thief. All this over not explaining in detail the charges on an invoice.

My position suddenly changed from managerial to clerical. I tolerated this treatment for three weeks then submitted my resignation which simply said “I quit.” Of course, by quitting, it makes his insinuations appear true.

I think I gave him ample opportunity to apologize for his accusations. Even after he discovered he was wrong, that didn’t happen. By the way, we’ve worked together off and on for 20 years!!

My reputation is destroyed, our friendship is destroyed, and I think I will just go ahead and draw Social Security. I’m too old to be treated like a 3-year old.

By: Eric Goerlitz, Killeen, TX

Eric Goerlitz, Killeen, TX — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 17:06:09 +0000

Those of us making low pay are not being defensive by not apologizing. We formed calluses enduring all the raw deals over the years, trying to feel lucky having a job. We just forget sometimes that not everyone has a thick hide. For that I, at least, am sorry.

By: Adan Hernandez, Waterbury, CT

Adan Hernandez, Waterbury, CT — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 16:55:22 +0000

Let’s not forget that the study came from people who were buying expensive gifts (pearls) to apologize. I think the correlation is the other way around; people who apologize more does not make more money because of it; people who make more money to begin with are more likely to apologize and more likely to do so with expensive gifts because one simple reason: They can afford to apologize with pearls!

Folks, to clear up what seems to be a common misunderstanding: The survey wasn’t a survey of pearl buyers — it was a survey of a sample of the general population. And the researchers asked about apologizing in general, not apologizing with gifts, expensive or otherwise. Sorry if I didn’t make that clear in the column. — Annie.

By: Jennifer Thomas, Winston-Salem, NC

Jennifer Thomas, Winston-Salem, NC — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 16:50:41 +0000

I appreciate this discussion of apologies. I’m a psychologist (www.christiancounseling.org) and I find that what many people really need is a good apology! I’ve co-written a book with Gary Chapman called The Five Languages of Apology. Our premise is that what one person considers to be a sincere apology is not necessarily what another person considers to be a sincere apology. When it comes to apologizing, one size does not fit all.

By: Dan from Rescue, CA

Dan from Rescue, CA — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 16:35:13 +0000

It’s simple, if it goes wrong and you are responsible, accept responsibility — don’t make excuses or blame others. No one is interested in excuses and blaming only shows your lack of ability to be a leader. In your apology, you should also be stating what actions you are taking to ensure that it won’t happen again.

As for apologizing when it is not your fault. I am guessing this is the situation where one or more of your subordinates causes the situation leading to an apology. You are responsible for the actions of your subordinates; therefore, yes, you are the person responsilbe to those above you and you are the one who should be apologizing. Although you may not have directly caused the mistake, you are fully responsible in the eyes of your peers and those above you. This is what being a leader is all about — being responsible.

For lower income levels it has been suggested that fear of being fired is a reason for not apologizing. That may be case, but the majority of us started at the lower levels and perhaps the reason we reached higher levels is because we were recognized as responsible people by admiting our mistakes and showing we were willing to accept the consequences of our actions and learn from our mistakes.

By: Tom L., Anahaeim, CA

Tom L., Anahaeim, CA — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 16:33:43 +0000

There have been times in my life where I was absolutely inflexible in this area and had no end of trouble. Apologizing when you’re wrong (or even if it will just relieve some workplace tension) goes a long way toward sleeping better at night.

By: es, windsor, on

es, windsor, on — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 16:16:44 +0000

This matter is of the outmost importance for someone who wants to improve his performance. There is a natural tendency for a man not to ask fr directions (an for a woman to ask too many). The same goes for appologizing: people with higher confidence level feel less threatened by apologizing. By starting to apologize more for known mistakes one would build his/hers self-comfidence as it will notice that the consequences are not as bad as feared. Being able to take a few punches is what makes one stronger. A well rounded person will be good on offensive, defensive and nimble. Annie, thanks for bringing this up!

By: Len Bardsley, Wilmington DE

Len Bardsley, Wilmington DE — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 15:50:12 +0000

The willingness to apologize (social contexts) or own up to mistakes (business contexts) is a sign of maturity and good judgement. As in the political world, “it’s not the deed that does the damage, it’s the coverup”.