Comments on: Friends on CrackBerry? Miss Manners’ advice

By: Julie, Farmington Hills MI

Julie, Farmington Hills MI — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 01:13:50 +0000

The people who are present take precedence… over the people on the phone, the text, the email, etc. Unless it’s a life or death matter (i.e., you’re someone’s labor coach and just received the call to go to the hospital to help her through the delivery or you’re waiting for the call to say your final good-byes to a grandparent), turn off the technology.

By: Sandra Rickerson

Sandra Rickerson — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 06:39:01 +0000

When you are around people you say are your friend(s)..you should turn off the BlackBerry and any other device that could interfear with the friend
time. Remember you could fall off the latter of sucess and you will need all the friends you can muster. That blackberry want catch you and it want
give you the Love you will need.

By: Tess, British Columbia Canada

Tess, British Columbia Canada — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 23:04:28 +0000

The simplest solution, in my mind, is the upfront conversation. I say, at the beginning of the meal “I have to leave my cell phone because of xxx. Once (and if) that call is through, it’s going off.” I expect the same courtesy and consideration back. I find setting the expectations ahead of time really helps. I can be patient if I know about the matter distracting my companion and vice versa. This is respectful, mutual and supportive, recognizes work realities but also sets a standard that helps you assess where in our life this particular relationship fits. It also works well with spouses.

By: Yadgyu, Harkeyville, TX

Yadgyu, Harkeyville, TX — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 01:31:00 +0000

This is exactly why America is falling behind India and China.

Too many Americans are lazy and would rather spend time with the family, watching TV, or surfing the net. We need to instill the values of hard work, dedication, and loyalty to the company. Nobody wants to step up to the plate and get things done anymore. Everyone wants to go run off on some vacation. But what about the work that gets left behind?

Time off from the job means that money is being left behind. We need to get to work and stop calling in sick and going on vacation all of the time. Most people already get holidays off. Why do you need more time off? There is nothing important or fun in life. Work is life and life is work. If you are not working, you are dying!!!

By: p decatrel, NYC

p decatrel, NYC — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 16:59:12 +0000

Please distinguish between impolite
and rude. Though both imply disrespect.

By: Christine, NY, NY

Christine, NY, NY — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 00:44:41 +0000

While there certainly need to be some limits, I think it’s a bit extreme to suggest that these blackberry-checkers “have no time off” (possibly true) and therefore you cannot socialize with them. Ever.

I’m about to enter a job where I will be expected to have a blackberry and be accessible most of the time. I don’t intend to keep it next to the bed and wake up when it goes off, but if I’m spending a number of hours with friends, there’s a possibility I may need to respond to something unexpectedly. I would hope my friends would understand, and not force me to choose between remaining in good standing at my job and spending time with them.

If all my friends decided to abandon me completely ‘until I had worked my way up’ such that I could take ‘real’ time off (i.e. no blackberry every during social engagements), I would be devastated. And angry. Some people’s jobs don’t end at 6pm exactly – I’m not sure I see the value in suggesting all their friends avoid them like the plague because of that.

The line is this: if you find that you are having to respond to multiple work issues such that it continually interrupts the social activity, then it’s time to cancel out apologetically. If you can’t seem to make *any* social activity work, then your friends have a right to be annoyed.

By: Linda, Torrance, California

Linda, Torrance, California — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 00:09:33 +0000

While there’s definitely an “everyone is doing it” aspect to this, some people really do have colleagues who expect them to respond at all hours.

If you really like this friend, ask them when they’re LEAST likely to be disturbed with messages, and try to meet with them then.

But, ultimately, people like your friend have chosen the job and the status of being in demand 24/7 over normal human interaction.

I’m a consultant, and my boss wanted me to get a Blackberry, but I didn’t, because I’m already somewhat addicted to email as it is. If it’s really urgent, call me.

By: TennisPeter, Andover, MA

TennisPeter, Andover, MA — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 23:17:37 +0000

Checking your Blackberry 24 x 7 doesn’t make you important. It means you are insecure and lack the confidence to say “I am not working right now.” It is also rude to be sitting next to a total stranger who is carrying on a conversation on a cell as if it’s a town meeting open to the public. And they stare at you if you can’t help but listen to conversation.

If you are “On Call” for emergencies OK but in social settings “Just Turn it Off!” Life will go on and the problems will still be there for you to solve.

TennisPete, MA

By: Jaba Yablonowitz, Minneapolis, MN

Jaba Yablonowitz, Minneapolis, MN — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 21:51:15 +0000

Letting your mobile device make noise or, God forbid, picking up the device and actually looking at it during a meal or social gathering with friends or family is the equivalent of taking down your pants and relieving yourself in their presence. Anyone who disagrees should get over themselves and grow up. Feel sorry for them – absolutely, but not for being too busy – for having such a low self esteem to conduct themselves in this self rightious manner.

By: Demir, Laguna Niguel, CA

Demir, Laguna Niguel, CA — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 17:43:12 +0000

My girlfriend of 2 years made it very clear on the rules of the household. When we are at dinner, the blackberry gets some rest. Not vibrate… off and off the table.

This is the same principle as if I was going into a movie. For 2 hours, I’m away.

By: Scott Wilson Phoenix AZ

Scott Wilson Phoenix AZ — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 15:18:06 +0000

Toss the damn things out. I see them in church, theaters, dinner parties, and barbeques. Unless you are an on-call brain surgeon or the president, leave the cell, blackberry ipod and every other electronic device at home or in the car. Same goes for work. You have a phone on your desk, Turn the damn cell phone OFF during working hours. Nobody wants to hear your cute ring over and over while you actually working and your PDA or whatever rings incessantly.

By: Keith Rozelle, London UK

Keith Rozelle, London UK — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 14:40:39 +0000

I work in sales where one is expected to be responsive to client reuests and so a BlackBerry is a hioghly effective way of dealing with “stuff.” However, common-sense dictates that discipline should prevail and it’s very sad that some people seem unable to have human iunteraction because they’re constantly looking at their BB. If I ever get confronted with that type of behaviour, then I usuually take a balanced judgment of the situation and ask the person to put the unit down whilst we’re meeting or conversing. If they feel unable to accommodate even this small courtesy, then they clearly do not respect me and so I would have to choose whether to spend time with that person again or not.

By: Payton, Indy

Payton, Indy — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 14:24:00 +0000

So much to say, but I’ll just leave 1 point:

If you’re txting on the phone or on the crack, get out of the left lane on the expressway. Your erratic driving kills people.

By: Pschmidty, New York, NY

Pschmidty, New York, NY — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 01:19:07 +0000

I work as an advertising creative. Ever since I’ve seen these “personal communication devices,” I have done everything possible to avoid owning one. They not only distract in social situations, but even worse, in important professional situations. Imagine presenting ideas for a three-quarter of a million dollar tv spot (production costs alone). Now imagine only two or three people out of ten actually paying attention to the copy, visuals and details. Now imagine repeating yourself over and over three or four times… When you have three or more concepts to present. The CrackBerry is good for getting the latest stock quotes, emails and gossip, but not for making sound business decisions when they matter most — in person, with eye contact and a handshake.

By: Michelle, Tucson, AZ

Michelle, Tucson, AZ — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 19:47:34 +0000

Rude is rude, regardless of the technology or other distraction. We sometimes forget that cell phones and Blackberrys are not just for other people’s convenience…they’re for ours, too. There is absolutely no substitute for face-to-face communication and it’s still the most effective type.

By: Erich, Tucson, Arizona

Erich, Tucson, Arizona — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 18:19:30 +0000

Ms Fisher makes a comment that poses an interesting question: At what point do we think our careers are well enough advanced that we think we can socialize face-to-face with other humans? The answer may only be forthcoming after the personal digital gagetry has been around for awhile. Nevertheless I believe what many career councellors have said often enough:”Your higest quality communication is face-to-face” everything else is of lesser quality than that.

By: Longgone, Denver, Co

Longgone, Denver, Co — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 18:18:15 +0000

Oh, if only I could have ditched the two business pagers and business cellphone while trying to have a personal life, during my last job. Not only did these things interrupt my socializing, they interrupted my meals, showers, and sleep 24×7 for years. (When I wasn’t the primary on-call staff, I had to be the back-up on-call staff, just because I knew my job!) I had no choice in the matter, but I still did have to weather the disapproval of friends and family when the interruptions occurred. I would hope that readers would offer some sympathy.

The punch-line: In the end, my job went to India, where they could hire all three shifts.

By: Adam, Scottsdale AZ

Adam, Scottsdale AZ — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 18:05:55 +0000

This is a pretty interesting topic- especially since there is several applications to which it extends. In one respect- Blackberries are given to the traveling sales force, sales is a great field to be in, but it by no means qualifies you to be a CEO or have a job title in anything of that nature- so why have your blackberry on if you are not C level? I hate to say it, but some people aren’t going to make it to the top if they don’t learn that you have to be good at life to be good at your job in whatever capacity that may be.

By: Crewcut, Bangalore

Crewcut, Bangalore — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 17:57:28 +0000

I agree with everything stated here but I’d like to add one more fact…. or opinion depending on how you look at it.

Friends who were once close to one another, lose the relationship once they move on in life. I firmly believe that relationships are based on action and the relationships you had back in college or back at a previous employer are just memories and not current relationships.

So you may want to question your “relationships” with these friends of yours. Find new relationships based on common activities, not based on memories. Maybe those new friends will put down their BlackBerries for you.

By: Pat,Philadelphia, PA

Pat,Philadelphia, PA — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 17:55:25 +0000

I just had a long weekend with the wife where she either spent her time online (computer with WAN card, not a CrackBerry–but close enough), criticizing me, or telling me what needs to be done. On a vacation. The next “vacation” we have, she is leaving her computer, treo and work behind or else she’s going without me.