Comments on: How to beat a backstabber at work

By: Scott, Aiea, HI

Scott, Aiea, HI — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 02:19:02 +0000

“If you stay at a bad job, you deserve everything you get.”
Posted By Yadgyu, Harkeyville, TX : September 19, 2007 5:14 pm

HORRIBLE advice. Sometimes you are stuck in a job for reasons out of your control. Sometimes you truly love the job you are doing. It is not your fault that your co-workers have a work ethic that involves badmouthing you. That’s just their personality. That is NOT YOUR FAULT.

I feel it shows WEAKNESS when you leave a JOB because of another person badmouthing you. You should fix the situation, not leave it be.

As for abusive relationships, TOTALLY different story and you have no reason to even compare the two.

By: Rayanne, Baldwin County Alabama

Rayanne, Baldwin County Alabama — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 14:45:41 +0000

I work in a corporate office that had a admin. staff of 6 when I started out. Now 2 years later due to the drop in sales and the company has had to cut back to just 3. I was the last one hired in, but was not one of the ones let go. The one of the ones that was let go has let it be known that I should of been let go, but due to my skill levels being higher, and having more experience the company did not go in that direction. When I would suggest a new and better & more efficient way of doing something she was the one that would complain about not knowing how to or would refuse to learn or even try. Simple software applications such as MS Word, or Excel were a chanllenge for her. She would refer to me as the “expert” and I never claimed to be that she would just take offence to the fact that I know how to use the programs and even our back office programs that we all attended training for at the same time, I just know so much more about and how to utilize. Now that she is gone, the remaining admin. staff that was here have sort of put a bulls eye on me and have begun to talk and complain to the mgmt about me. We have even had a staff meeting regarding the situation, they have been told that there will be no “clicks” in the office and to stop with the “dragging through the mud” attitude’s. Now that was 2 months ago and it has started up again. What can I do to prevent an negative effect on my situation/position with the mgmt/company. They also constantly bring up or say, she’s young and discount everything that I do because of my age. But the Mgmt is constantly coming to me to get projects completed where they never ask the others to do those sort of things. Please help!

By: Texas

Texas — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 12:57:43 +0000

This is a great site and I’d really like to see more topics like this posted. I see now that I’m not alone in dealin with bad co-workers/bullies. I think the laws ought to be changed to include bullying at work as a crime and hold companies liable for not enforcing the rules an policies set to create a safe working environment for their employees.

By: texas

texas — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 17:15:34 +0000

First of all you need to stop taking it too personal. Always put your best at everything you do, you cannot go wrong. Second, if “that” person becomes so abnoxious, use what we call “negative reinforcement” dont feed the tiger. Always, always praise those who deserve it, and dont compromise your integrity by becoming unprofessional. Read, “emotional intelligence” and remember you’re a leader
and good employees deserve the best. Lead by example!!

By: texas

texas — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 17:03:41 +0000

Dear Miami,
First, forget about what this other person thinks about your promotion. In cases like this, document everything if is refusing to follow orders. First, and if havent done so, sit with every individual and explain to them what are your expectations and job specifications. Be proffesional and document the “meeting”. so, if jone joe decides he doesnt feel like it, then you’ll have something to remind him of. Again doc. Lastly, listen to them and do not ever take anything personal. it could make things that are unproffessional.

By: marie, austin, tx

marie, austin, tx — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 16:50:33 +0000

Most of you all, need to read “Emotional intelligence.”
Backstabbing is part of life and has to be dealt with to a point where it doesnt affect your job and or your mental health. Always pat someone whose doing a good job and negative reinforcement for those say too much. Dont take anything personal.

By: Miami, Florida

Miami, Florida — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 21:27:18 +0000

Need feedback. I recently got a promotion and already being bad mouthed on the job. The people doing it are the ones I really need to get my job done. One outright refuses to help me because they felt they should have gotten the job. I made up my mind to focus what matters most. What need to be done. How do I deal with this difficult person.

By: J Charlotte NC

J Charlotte NC — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 21:20:01 +0000

I took a promotion that management begged me to take because they knew I would do a good job which I do. I had previously turned them down twice. Problem is, 3-4 of the people I supervise also wanted the job. I really did not care about getting this job due to the small pay increase. I took it just to do something different. The backstabbing was bad for about a month or two, but is now non-existent. If only the backstabbers knew management would tell me who was saying whatever about me. I will not ever hold a grudge but do see some people in a different light knowing that they are backstabbers. I could never try to climb the ladder by backstabbing. I think I have what is called a conscience. I enjoy what I do and could always go back to my previous position so I guess that took away a lot of pressure. The same people that used to backstab are now trying to convince me to not put in for a transfer to a better paying position at a different facility.

By: Jodi: Lindstrom, Minnesota

Jodi: Lindstrom, Minnesota — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 04:08:36 +0000

I am in a very similar situation only the person who I know is saying things against me has only three weeks seniority on me and I have been made out to be incompetent and very unprofessional. I am going to leave this hospital in Minnesota and go else where where company morale is far more important than back stabbing mama’s boys!!

By: james, ny ny

james, ny ny — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 22:21:56 +0000

we teach our children they need to get ahead, but when they grow up they dont kno how. backstabbing is an ez solution – our society likes young go-gettrs. if u cant keep up u will be swept aside. learn to live by the rule of th jungle, dont hope for ez answers.

By: Yadgyu, Harkeyville, TX

Yadgyu, Harkeyville, TX — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 21:14:41 +0000

“It is sad though that long time, well respected, good workers get treated so disrespectfully with no recourse.” – Sandy, Plattsburgh, NY

I do not think it is sad. The people that go through abuse at work and stay should not complain. Slavery ended a long time ago. No one has to stay at a job that they do not like. I do not care about job security or bills. There is nothing in the world that requires a person to stay at a low paying job that treats a person like crap.

People in abusive romantic relationships are always encouraged to leave and get counseling. But people with bad jobs are told to “hang in there” or “the boss will leave sooner or later” or “a bad job is better than no job”. These are the same type of weak excuses used by women who stay in abusive relationships. Excuses will not change things. Actions will.

If you are fed up with your job, you should tell your supervisor or someone in an authority position to help you. As soon as you tell, start aggressively looking for another job. There is no reason to wait to get fired or asked to leave. People have to stop being mindless sheep for a living. Working at a bad job is no way to live.

If you stay at a bad job, you deserve everything you get.

By: Sandy, Plattsburgh, NY

Sandy, Plattsburgh, NY — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 21:47:50 +0000

Mostly women in our offices as men would never work for this pay or put up with this crap.

Unfortunately, the offices environments are bad. It’s a low income area so there is no “plan B” if we need to address our supervisors, so many just suck it up when we are being backstabbed or treated unfairly for fear of not having a job or further harassment if we speak up for ourselves. Many have ended up so withdrawn that they end up on meds and are mentally and physically ill.

The best we can do is find a few sympathetic workers and keep our hurt feelings to ourselves.

Unfortunately, it’s the supervisors that cause the majority of the problems and conflicts.

Usually an employee gets a lateral move with no notice, you come in one day and find out that you are going to be at a new desk, working in another office. (yes we are union, but because the job title is the same you can be moved laterally). This usually comes about because your supervisor has been complaining about you or the person that left the desk has been complained about. Keep in mind there is little to no training for these changes. They sit you there and you wing it. (I’m not kidding) I work in Medicaid and my supervisor worked with me maybe four hours over a couple of months showing me the job. “work it up and I’ll review it” How can you work something up when you have no idea where to start?

It’s like they start you out to fail so the supervisors feel somehow better and smarter than you.

If you have been ill, they are nice to your face and make comments like “what is she out for now!!” and aren’t afraid to say it where everyone signs in so all hear it.

We have a few women who have had some real family and health problems and they get labeled hypocondriacs. Or “they aren’t team players” Or “I saw… at the store I thought they were on medical leave” As if a medical leave confines you to your bed. Just because you are well enough to go out to the store to buy bread doesn’t mean that a week after surgery you are good enough to be back at work. No compassion at all. They seem to think that doctors are doing surgeries and making up illnesses for workers as a way to get out of work. It’s so bizarre.

I almost didn’t believe some of the stories until I myself was ignored by my supervisor for days when I’ve had to be out due to illness and surgery. Then I found out she told my best friend that I should have been back to work, she saw no reason I was still out since “…had that surgery and they were only out of work a couple of days”

Many of us have had enough and want to go to the superiors superior but know what will happen. It’s the good ole gal syndrome so we just shut up and can’t wait to retire.

All we want to do is do our job the best we can and be given a pat on the back once in awhile. Instead we get criticised, undertrained and backstabbed by those in authority.

It is sad though that long time, well respected, good workers get treated so disrespectfully with no recourse.

By: Mary H., Hilton Head, SC

Mary H., Hilton Head, SC — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 23:47:05 +0000

I work in marketing in a pressure-filled fast-paced office. There has been no time for long-range planning, just meeting daily deadlines. My company recently bought a smaller company and there is a lot of marketing information to transfer. I have realized that we need more database systems in place for this. Just before I left on vacation a week ago, I was going to start looking into ways for this to be efficient and effective. While I was gone my assistant went to the boss and said she was exploring how to organize the marketing collateral. I got back and she had written this long email about all her work, including this comment. I emailed my boss and copied her (big mistake) that I had realized more than 2 weeks ago we need more comprehensive organization tools. She was on the phone with our IT manager and told him she didn’t know what I was thinking, and that her email must have stimulated me to think about it. She was sitting in the next desk over and I could hear! I immediately went over and told her not to speak for me and that is not the way it happened. I don’t want her to get all the credit, but I know my boss respects me. Help! Where do I go from here?

By: Martha, Redwood City, CA

Martha, Redwood City, CA — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 16:44:39 +0000

Dear Annie,
Unfortunately this kind of situation repeats all the time every where. I was a manager and at the time my boss of 5 years have left. His replacement as Principal Investigator did not have time to prepare for it.
My Clinical Coordinator, “my right hand” and who had the highest responsibility after mine, used the opportunity to go behind my back and tell our new boss that he didn’t know what I was doing there since he was the one doing everything. He had also come to me to critizise other coworkers and gone to other coworkers in private to discuss me.
When the new boss started, I handed her the keys of my office, showed her where all the important files and told her that I was ready to conduct business the way she wanted from that day on.
She told the incident with the Clinical Coordinator after a meeting we had to discuss the researach goalls for the next few months. My only comment was: Review my work, interview everybody who has worked for me these months and draw your own conclusions. It is the only way for you to know if I have been honest here. I don’t know if she did that or not, since I never asked her about it again or confronted the Clinical Coordinator about his lies.

Time showed her that this person was a very disruptive influence on the team.

By: Weston , Florida

Weston , Florida — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 13:46:24 +0000

Oh Yes, It happened I found my chief quality control person faxing reports to an officer at the central office without authorization and they were EDITED to make us all look bad. Lets speak in private.. I am the one who does your evalkuation…I am the one you report to…I authorize your pay roll and salary increasess… If I find you or your people doing this again I will make sure its your last day …If they need info they can request it via normal chanals GOT
and the problem stopped..C_C_C@bellsouth.net

By: Catherine Pries, Homewood, IL

Catherine Pries, Homewood, IL — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 16:49:53 +0000

I survived a backstabber, but ultimately lost my job. She was hired to be my employee, although she immediately demanded to be treated as my equal. While the department head told me that I was her supervisor, he told her we were equals. She was young, cute and perky (I’m not), and my direct boss got a crush on her and drove her to and from work. She became so obnoxious that she actually refused to do work. Having chosen to deal with this professionally and gotten nowhere, I then ignored her until she quit. On her last day, she mentioned to the department head that she had kept a journal starting on the first day of her employment of everything I had said and done wrong. Only then did he realize what I had known — she was unbalanced. Unfortunately, at the same time the head could not make commitments to any one person, so most of his staff (over 80%) eventually quit and that included me.

This leads to another issue: What if your boss is a great human being on a personal level, but a lousy boss?

By: Richard Mudrinich - Hermitage, Pennsylvania

Richard Mudrinich - Hermitage, Pennsylvania — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 20:17:16 +0000

Rescue Rick the Grass Cut Man was dwarfed-tossed by a pack of backstabbers, including the boss. Indeed, I would not tolerate this type of behavior, especially when it involved issues with diversity. After several requests to stop the torture, I escalated the issue to level of a fair audience. I noticed that this type of bullying behavior continues to persist in the workplace. I hope that I live long enough to witness the impact of the various bullying campaigns that target children in schools. Bullying behavior creates major setbacks in the lives of decent people. Thank you.

By: L.. Hobson - Las Vegas, NV.

L.. Hobson - Las Vegas, NV. — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:12:14 +0000

I disagree with most. I say, “Don’t make a big deal out of it, but once you find out whose carrying the dagger, slowly, very slowly, withdraw any support for that person. If you have a chance to say something good about hem – don’t. If you have a chance to say something bad about them – don’t. If someone else says something bad about them, nod and a quiet, “Hmmmm” will do the job better then loudly confronting the issue and calling more atention to the negatives they are spewing about you. You are relegating them to a position of unimportance. People will pick up on this and follow suit, most likely. The backstabber may become even bolder and more brazen and really look the fool. Just relax and let your inner confidence tell people who you are. It works. Especially when you dismiss the comments with a laugh or a roll of the eyes. You are telling people this person doesn’t matter and they will almost always follow your lead. Plus you are quietly showing grace under fire, a quality people admire and look for in a leader. Call it “Tactical Relegation to Non-Entity.”

By: Sandra, Singapore

Sandra, Singapore — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 14:52:46 +0000

while backstabbers exists…don’t worry about them as they’ll always have to be behind you…. in order to stab you

By: NASHVILLE,TN

NASHVILLE,TN — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 10:13:23 +0000

In reference to an enployee bad-mouthing a Supervisor to the Supervisor’s Boss. Where I work you
address it because one has to “Follow
the Chain of Command”. If not disciplinary actions can be taken against that employee. I realize all placex of employment are not like that. But with us no matter what the
situation is the Chain Of Command Must be followed.