Do CEOs make lousy dads?

No one ever got to the end of their life and said, “I wish I had spent more time at work.” Money really doesn’t matter. Go over to some of the most needy countries and you’ll find happy families—why is that if money is so important? Obviously we all want to be fed and housed, but beyond that, love is far more important than anything else. I think it’s very difficult to be a CEO and a good father, but it can be done if the CEO creates good boundaries. But, as many have mentioned, there are a lot of boundary pushers, and those who give in often are the ones who get promoted. Men can be motivated by a lot more than just money!

I am the daughter of a Fortune 500 CEO. I respected my father’s demanding career and as an adult am well aware of the privileges and opportunties it afforded me. However, any job that places heavy demands on time and energy and requires extensive traveling will interfere with family life to a degree. The degree to which this becomes a real problem is how the free time is spent — focusing on real family time, and not playing make-up Disneyland Dad, goes a long way. Unfortunately, a divorce compounded the situation, and I can definitely say a high-powered job and a dad living with another family is a recipe for disaster when it comes to a parent/child relationship. There simply isn’t enough extra time to handle work and two families well.

As an adult I made the choice not to go into a high-powered career situation (and to stay married) and my husband and I traded that track for a simpler, pared down life with our two kids, now preteens. For us, the rewards have been well worth the sacrifices.

What is the breakdown of departments that Ceos usually come from?? I imagine that most CEOs come from Finance or Sales departments. How many CEO came from HR departments?

“Money does not buy true happiness, only temporary happiness.” What’s your point? When the happiness runs out, just use money to buy more.

“Most of them (rich people) either see shrinks, are alcoholics, or indulge themselves in empty unfullfilling things.” Doesn’t sound so bad to me. I would rather be able to indulge myself in empty things than to be poor and have my life filled with other poor people who complain about how the rich are so unhappy. Why do the non-rich always assume that the rich are unhappy with their money? Rich people have the access to true happiness. You cannot find happiness in people and relationships alone. You have to be able to indulge yourself in things that will cause temporary bursts of happiness here and there. People will eventually let you down and your money can be used as a back-up for the faults of people.

It doesn’t matter if you have a good family or not. If you do not have money, you will always feel inferior to those with money. You will always lust for the things and experiences that rich people have. You may appreciate your relationships, but deep down inside you know that money could strengthen those relationships or even buy bigger and better relationships. Love is only one source of happiness. Put love and money together and you have it all!

You know this is just so sad. I work at a major corporation and the vp of our company has expressed openly that he has been through two divorces. Apparently his ex-wives left him because he was not spending enough time at home. His priority is his job. I have no idea why he mentions that in our meetings every now and then. But, it seems to be that he’s getting married, yet a third time. I feel sorry for his next wife, unless she has an understanding of what she will be getting into. I know that most CEOs’ children are bratty, lack manners and are just out of control. I had a friend who nannied part time and would share the horrific stories of what the kid would do to her and others. And he was only 7 years old at the time!! His mom and Dad would never pay attention to him and just pushed him off to the nanny to take care of and be his companion. His parents would arrange play dates for him just to get him off their backs, while they were at home entertaining cocktail parties. His parents are both hollywood execs. Mom as soon as she’d come home she would head straight to her room and start ordering Louis Vuitton purses and other fashion junk online, while never saying hello to her child. It’s pretty pathetic!

90% of those people are filling voids in their lives and are truly unhappy. Most of them either see shrinks, are alcoholics, or indulge themselves in empty unfullfilling things. These people have serious problems. You can see the unhappiness and frustration in their lives by the way they treat everyone around them. Money does not buy true happiness, only temporary happiness. At the end of the day, when everyone is going to bed and they’re all alone with themselves the conscience kicks in and you’ll see that they are the most fearful, insecure, unhappy people.

I am so thankful that I sleep soooooo well at night. I am debt free, stress free, anxiety free. Why because I live a simple life. I come home to my family everyday, we have time to take walks on the beach, enjoy family time, eat dinner together. I’m loving life! We are a close family and my kids love us so much. I have teenagers and they have the most respect for others and themselves. Thankfully they don’t suffer from a low self esteem because I have raised them to communicate and have a friend in me and in their father. We are all they need. My husband and I have provided a safe loving home for our children so that they don’t have to seek synthetic happiness with uneccesary and perishable things. Love is what reaches deep into the core of their being, time is what is required to give that love and once it is received we leave a legacy of stable, respectable people in our society.

Being a high-powered exec is more important than being a good parent.

Things cost money. Staying at home doesn’t buy things. So going out there and making as much money as possible is the best thing to do. Everyone wants to live the good life. But the good life costs. So what if dad can’t make it to the softball game or ballet recital! If he is bringing home big bucks, he is doing more for his family than any amount of time will.

Having a father who doesn’t make a ton of money is shameful. Kids want iPhones, computers, jeans, sneakers, and other cool stuff. How can a kid be cool if dad only works 40 huors a week but brings home diddley squat? I would rather work a ton of hours and make a ton of money than come home at the same time and sit in the house with a nagging wife and bratty children. A wife and children have to understand that having things is more important than being together. Working less and spending more time with the family is old-world peasant’s talk. It’s all about the money today!

Men are driven by financial success. The ones who don’t make enough money may love their families more but they hate not having things. That makes men turn into boring and bitter people in their last days.

How can some jerk executive CEO, who has no problem offshoring thier work force so that they can acheive those “short term profit gains” be competent farthers?

It’s difficult to say whether high-powered execs are good parents – my father was one such person, even thought my parents divorced when I was young. I have to admit that he made an effort to reach out to the family, but I did notice that he paid more attention to his second family than his first. My guess is that time limitations contributed to that situation. My observation is that the time demands on someone in such a position limit their ability to focus on family – and unfortunately the drive of people like this to take care of their families is often what leads to divorce. Leading me to wonder if it is a case of being “between the hammer and the anvil.”

Singling out CEOs is fine and dandy… but the issue applies to many well-employed fathers. My father is a very, very successful surgeon and was non-existent as a dad. I am now 28 and have a strained, at best, relationship with him. The worst part of it is that now he resents my mother (his ex-wife) and me. His own guilt for never being around (late nights studying cases, etc.) has evolved into memories of being a hard worker who was only considered an ATM by his family. As I’ve said a thousand times, I would have rather had a janitor who was there for a father. Now I can’t even bring up money around my dad without him thinking I am trying to take advantage of him. The irony is, I have fully supported myself since college, including paying for 3 years of grad school without any help from him.Point is, no job is as important as family, which is a lesson many fathers learn once it is too late.

Asking the question about CEO’S is an interesting one. Working most of my life as a middle manager I often wondered what kind of parent the “HEAD HONCHO” was. I always suspected that he wasn’t a very good one. But I am afraid we have missed the point. You don’t have to be a CEO to have workaholic tendancies. Balance, or lack of it, in any aspect of our lives tends to have negative effect on our parenting. It doesn’t matter whether you are flipping burgers, or sit at the head of the board room conference table.

“No amount of success in the workplace can compensate for failure at home.”
~ Nathaniel Bronner

Children spell love T-I-M-E.

As a CEO and Dad I find that the extent to which I’m torn between parenting and business depends on several key factors that may or may not be under your/my control; in no particular order, they are (a)Your staff – the better your team is, the more you can delegate when necessary; (b)The size of your business – although running a small business can be overwhelming (I know), if you run a billion dollar enterprise you simply have more people pulling on you (better have a good team); (c) What business you’re in – as a music producer I have control over my time, but if I owned a chain of retail stores my schedule would be determined by my customers. The work/family balance will never be perfect, but I find that I’m more successful at parenting when I optimize my time-vs-income equation at work. Simple to say, hard to do…

Corporate America actively punishes people who try to value their families. Time at home is time away from profit-making or ladder climbing, after all.

My father quietly sacrificed career for us throughout his time working for a national energy company, because of his resistance to the pressure to go on outings, spend time at union functions, play caddy at the boss’s golf game, etc. He was even told by a boss that he should be painting the boss’s house instead of his own one summer. Refusing did not earn him favors.

Dad didnt ascend too high in the ranks, but he provided for us and he always came home at night.

Being a CEO is about managing, balance, quick decision making and above all spending quality time with Family. Life will not return and neither the age not spent with your children. By not spending the time with Family, a void is created that may never be filled later in life.

So, no gain is again at the cost of kids and family life.

Why earn today and spend later in correcting the spoiled kids.

Take Care

Suhaib

BK in Chicago — You are indeed missing the point. It isn’t just a matter of “a few thousand CEOs”. For one thing, there are 23 million business owners in the U.S. and, as any entrepreneur can tell you, that is where work really is a 24/7 obsession (or can become one if you let it). Then there are all the high-powered corporate execs who may not be CEOs but are in the next level or two down. As some of the other comments attest, plenty of dads are struggling with work-life balance — and the more “successful” one is, the more of a struggle it becomes. Moms have known this for a long time, of course! Lots of tough choices to be made every day!

In life there is a sacrifice for everything. Jack Welch (former CEO of GE) said it best when he stated that you can have everything, but you can’t have it all at the same time. Be thankful for what you have, because there is a price for everything you do and if you don’t pay for it via time and energy, your kids will.

Children require much love, support and time. If you don’t want to spend a LOT of time with (your) children, wear a condom.

There is no more important ‘product’ one can produce for this world than a well-adjusted child who knows they are wanted, welcomed and loved. Work/life choices are difficult; just two days ago I gave notice at a high pressure media sales job (used to sell Hi Technology too, making tons of money), in order to spend time with my little 11-month-old boy and family, to work closer to home and yes, make less money being an English high school teacher.

I will educate a boy so that when he becomes a man, he may enjoy life to its fullest, having a family and excellent job of his own. On my deathbed I want smiling faces and hopefully grandchildren and no regrets to keep me company, not a spotless Porsche.

How long would a CEO keep a secretary who didn’t respond to him immediately?

And they are not even related.

Why should children think differently?

No time for kids Dads have little to offer children because children are not into status Dads, generally, until they are very much older, and it provides some personal benefit.

I was on the executive fast track. I had a rude aawakening ten years ago when my wife left with our children due to her being a ’single parent’ anyway. I promised to reform (and did) but it was her agreement to work with me that made the difference. it would have been too late otherwise.

Ten years later and I am very close with my children and my wife and we could not have a closer marriage. I never made it to CEO and now could not care less. I have never heard a retirement speech that stated that they wish they had spent more time in the office!

Anyone consumed by their work can be
a bad parent. Take a small shop owner
who spends 14+ hrs per day. While top
level execs often get over-consumed so do others. And some are engaged in work so secretive that they clam up when at home. This can also destroy
spousal dialogue. Singling out CEOs
as lousy parents is misleading. Some
fathers hardly working do not know how to relate to their children

I am missing the point here…there are, perhaps, a few thousand CEOs in the country and hundred million ‘normal’ people who are going about being a dad and we are supposed to be thinking about these few guys and thier difficulties? It is just like those celebrity shows that exxagerate every tiny difficulty some air-head has, and the rest of the country has to sit spell bound and act as if it is a major issue in their own lives. As for these so called epiphanies involving catastrophic events, only self-centered and selfish people need those. Most of us are quite aware of these fundamental truths and need nobody to tell us that. This is no different than Paris Hilton ‘discovering’ something that is obvious to everyone else, but the owrld still needs to go along and act as if none of knew what Paris has devined!

Annie,

CEOs make excellent dads provided that they have their priorities in life straight. As the CEO/owner of the world’s largest Christian website, my family comes before work and ministry.

Studies have shown that the average father spends 7 minutes per day one on one with each child and society wonders why our children are into trouble. One of the least popular holidays is this Sunday ie Father’s Day.

If father’s/men want to be respected by their families, they should act like real men and spend time with their family in addition to just providing for their monetary needs.

William Cooper
CEO
Christianet.com

My dad was a high-powered executive. He would work late almost every day — when he wasn’t on a business trip. When he was around (one or two weekends a month), he’d try to make up for the lost time with expensive presents, fancy dinners, or big vacations. But if we ever complained or seemed underwhelmed, he’d immediately snap “That cost $XX, you know” or “I work hard to give you nice things.” Those statements don’t even make sense to little kids! It’s only now (after we’re all grown up) that some of us kids and our dad are starting to get to know each other. Sounds cliche, but it’s true!

So my advice to CEO parents is — your kids don’t want what your job entitles you to give them. They want you, your attention, and your love. If you replace that with fancy presents and five-star vacations, then don’t be surprised if those become more important to your kids than you.

No one profession can determine whether one would make a lousy father. The determininng factor is really just personal commitment to family. This will be portrayed by the sacrifices that one makes, be it with career, hobbies, and other matters that can take us away from doing what it takes to build a strong family bond. Question lies within each person. I do advocate that those who would rather spend their time working towards their ambitious goals and wish not to be with children in general, SHOULD not have kids. It yields great probability of neglect & abuse on their own kids; thus creating dysfunctional adults in society. Leave human development to those who truly want to raise good kids who can become productive & good natured-people in society.

Interesting article. I fixed that by becoming a stay at home dad. I left a nice career with an international chemical company. Travelled extensively, but once our adopted son arrived I don’t even want to be gone for one night. It has been a great change of life. My wife works part time and since we had kids late in life we were able to swing the reduction in income. We are very fortunate, but we did plan for this.

Yes, I agree with this. I have been married for only one year to someone with this mentality and we are on the brink of divorce. I feel that I am still a single mother (children from a previous marriage) and I have someone who just comes through the house at will and has their own time schedule in regards to their own life. His life revolves around the job, which is never ending. It’s amazing that people can find everything in the world to do except find time to spend with their family. It may be that the recognition comes from work but you still have a responsibility to your family to take care of them and raise your children to the best of your ability and not put them off b/c you don’t have time!

I wish I would have known then what I know now.